B.A.A - Week One

Good morning all,

I'm not sure who is participating the B.A.A. Summer Reading Project but if you are, Friday is the day that we take to recommend books to each other. So, I'll recommend the book that I read to begin the project.

PUSH by Sapphire: A sad yet inspirational story about a teenage girl sexually abused by both her parents. This isn't an extremely long read but it is definitely heavy. I like to call it the urban version of The Color Purple(book not the movie). They're written similarly. PUSH is brilliantly written and the story carries even after you put the book down. My kind of writer! Sapphire has a style similar to Nikki G's in that she takes very simple concepts and manipulates them into metaphoric complexities that really make you think. And what's the point in reading if it doesn't make you think? So, if you're looking for a book to kick off the project (and it's never to late to join us) pick up a copy of PUSH by Sapphire. Amazing read. Who's next?

Nurtured Soil

Last week I had one of my enlightening conversations. I was talking to someone about a "love situation" and somehow we or, should I say he, likened it to my new found love of gardening and planting and all that good stuff. You'll get the gist of the conversation if you pay close attention to this analogy.

So, I'm growing tomatoes, among other veggies, but when growing a tomato plant it's vital to prune the branches. This makes for more fruit and a healthier fruit bearer, if you will. Now in relationships we have a tendency to try to use the same method of operation. Trying to prune and pluck away the unnecessary so that we can have a bountiful and abuntantly happy relationship with someone else. Not realizing that the focus isn't just on the harvest. It's not even on the seed planted to produce the harvest. The focus should be on what the seed was planted in. If the soil is dry and nurtient starved, it won't bear much fruit but if the plant is transplanted into healthy, rich soil... you get where I'm going. Back tracking to the pruning technique... those branches will grow back. The ones you tried to pluck away. The hurt feelings and sleepless nights. The insecurities and idiosyncratic behavior from past situations will sprout themselves again if the plant itself (YOU) isn't transplanted into nurtured soil.

Okay, so I thought about this for a little while and then began to think, "Well, where does the nurtured soil come from?" Now this is my own personal philosophy but I believe it comes with time spent alone. Composting all of the dead things. Tossing them all together and letting them break themselves down so that all that's left is the lesson learned. And just like with making compost all that's really left after all the "leftovers" are broken down is the nitrogen which causes the plant to grow tremendously. So let's say the lessons learned are the nitrogen in a relationship. I believe that this type of growth can really only take place when you've spent time reevaluating and allowing the "leftovers" to break themselves down. Once the compost is ready to be added to some soil (new relationship) all that needs to be done is the transplant. Now this isn't to say there isn't any more work involved...

I know this may seem very scatter-brained, I tried my best to explain my new relationship philosophy as plain as I possibly could. I guess you could say, spending time gardening has opened my mind even more. I don't think I've thought so much in such a short period of time. lol!!!! I think it makes sense though and I just wanted to give you all something to chop up and chew on for your Monday. So, if you want to leave a comment feel free. If not, I'm sure I'll have something else to say tomorrow.

Buh-bye friends!

Book Addicts Anonymous

Hello all! Well...I have an idea! Recently, I got fed up with paying for cable and NEVER watching television. So, I decided to turn it off permanently. Well, for the summer... Some of you may have noticed my announcement via my Facebook status' lately. Anyway, I needed something to do to stimulate my mind while the house was quiet (other than music). Now, I've always been a bookworm but this summer I plan to take it a little bit further and read (almost) around the clock. If I'm not writitng and I have nothing else to do, I'll be reading. I even gave myself a minimum. Sixteen books must be complete by Labor Day. However, the goal is to exceed the minimum. So, sixteen books in four months. Sounds daunting, a little lofty, and really exciting. So, here's the thing. I didn't really want to do this all alone. I'm not saying you have to obliterate television like I am but I was thinkin' maybe some of you would like to jump on the book addicts bandwagon and read voraciously all summer long!!!! I mean think about it, you can kick it by the pool or at the beach, on long road trips and vacations, at the airport or on the train, on your lunch break, or just to get in some prime time reading as opposed to watching prime time television. Before you know it, you'll have to go out and buy more books. I have a two book head start. So, we'll say for those of you that want to participate the minimum will be fourteen. Sounds like a splendid idea to me. There are no book requirements. The only thing I ask is that you recommend any books you couldn't put down to the rest of the gang. This way we can bounce books off of each other and... the cycle will continue. I'm excited. Every Friday we'll submit titles worth purchasing and we'll go from there. Tell me what you think! It's Thursday so enjoy it... because I said so!

Love, love, love!

~ME

The "Love is Blind" Thing...

There are so many avenues and ways to go about pulling apart the old saying, "love is blind." It could mean so many things. Superficial or it could be taken a little deeper than that. We can talk about and analyze that saying for hours... days even. But the other night I was lying in bed reading and came across something that stood out to me. "Love is indeed blind, and it makes you acknowledge qualities in a person that don't exist...." I guess this was interesting to me having been in love and experiencing the ups and downs, I know that I had a tendency to make the person out to be something he wasn't. Mainly because what he wasn't was what I needed him to be. So the slightest sign or taste of the need was enough. Making me magnify his lack and manipulate it into being something positive. Am I alone here or has anyone else been there? When you think about it, it's dangerous to be that impaired, if you will. Vision impaired that is. You can't see the forest for the trees. Clinging to what you want. Falling for "the want" and allowing that to obscure your vision to the obvious. Needs become secondary. Wants are now priority. I posted something similar in reference to a Jill Scott poem "Love Rain" (2/5/09). Remember? "Now me non clairvoyant and in love made the coochie easy and the obvious invisible..." Go back and read it! lol!!!! The tone of that post is similar to this question but not identical. In part, it applies to that "Love is indeed blind..." statement. Packs a punch. I guess all I'm really asking is... what are some measures that you all feel should be taken to circumvent "blindness" in relationships?

Have a "rock-out" Wednesday guys!

Layoff Relationships

I got a good chuckle when I opened my eyes this morning. Habitually, when I wake up in the morning I slide my phone open to see if there are any missed calls or texts. This morning I had a few and one of them was from a guy that I was talking to a little while ago. Lately he's been trying to get back "in there" and I'm just not havin' it. Typical layoff relationship. Huh? Just listen. First, let's pair analogies. You're unemployed and you're desperately seeking work. I mean, you're beyond qualified and immensely frustrated. You want a good job but they don't seem to be available. So, you settle. You settle for a job opening with a company that has overtly expressed it's lack of growth potential. Oh but it looks good. You'll get some benefits and the whole nine, but not for the long hawl. No this is totally temporary. The pay's good too but still it's temporary. You twist your mouth and think briefly. "I'll take it! Shucks, I got bills to pay!" Now you know good and well that if they don't lay you off in six months to a year that you're going to have to quit them when the right job comes along. Well, that is if you're not too distracted with what has your attention at the moment...

Now, let's liken that to a relationship. You're single and have a desire to be in a relationship. Frustrated isn't even the word for the way you're feeling. All the good ones seem to be taken, but you get an offer. He's good looking. Tall, dark, and handsome. Smells like a dream. We've heard and reitereated the old adage, "Never judge a book by it's cover" but let's face it, sometimes the cover is far more interesting than the content. But still... here you go... "I'll take it! Shucks, I got needs that need to be met!" So you spend time together. Bored out of your mind but it's attention. That's something, right? Uh uh! You know good and well that six months to a year down the road, you're either going to get "laid off" or you're going to have to quit him for a good gig. Well, that's if you're not too distracted and complacent with him to realize the good gig when it comes along. Six months to a year of time wasted that could've been spent getting yourself together for what you really needed. Interesting...

The good jobs don't always start out paying the greatest though. You've got to prove yourself before you can come out on top. But there is definte growth potential there. A future. Now, THAT'S something. Needless to say, I've been ignoring the overt "job" offers I've been receiving lately to avoid being distracted when a "real gig" comes along. I just laughed to myself when I read the text and that's where all of this layoff stuff came from. lol!!!! But it makes sense, doesn't it?

So, I guess I went through all of that to ask a few simple questions:

1) Why do we have a tendency to settle for the layoff?

2)Would you rather be miserable in a "nowhere" or "layoff" relationship or single and "frustrated"?

3)Lastly, have we gotten so used to and complacent with deadend "jobs" that we're intimidated by the work wrapped up in a "job" with a future? (By "job" I mean relationship)

Have a great day guys!

Angry LOVE Letters

This is another one of my totally random relationship questions but I wanted to ask it...


We've all written at least one love letter in our lives. lol!!!! Don't lie. Even if you never mailed it or never gave it to the person it was written to. You took a moment to get your feelings out on paper. Now with the way LOVE LETTERS are depicted, they're supposed to be gushy and lovie dovie, make-you-sick antics about how head over heels your are for that oh-so-special someone. But is there such thing as an angry love letter? A letter of frustration. Still putting your feelings out there, but the ugly ones. The hurt feelings. The wanna-know-why feelings. Now personally, I believe there is more of an undertone of love in this type of letter. Why waste time writing it if you're not insanely in love, right? I mean let's be real...if you're done with said situation, then you're just done. Case closed. Deuces. Kick rocks. I'mma be about my business. But if you really want to fight with both hands. Closed fists. Balls out. Blood, sweat, and tears on top of tears, writing an angry love letter makes sense. We all know love doesn't feel good all the time. Yes, I know I'm slightly off with my overly-analytical mind when it comes to love and relationships but I just thought about that. I thought it was probing. So, to reiterate the questions I posed...

1) Is there such thing as an angry (more so frustrated) love letter?

2) And if so, isn't the depth of love in said letter deeper than that of the puppy love nonsense (no pun) that we see in the "movie-type" love letter?

Just a question... Help me out!

Balances

I haven't posted this much since last year around this time but I guess you could say that I'm kind of smellin' myself as far as my craft goes and I'm in a zone at the moment. What I posted last night got me to thinking about one of my favorite poems/poets. My girl Nikki G. She's still as dope as she was when she popped on the scene. Her simplistic style makes me appreciate my own and, to me, this simple poem (title of the post and said poem) is a perfect pairing to what I wrote last night. This is my all time favorite! So enjoy and I'll be back....



Balances
in life
one is always
balancing

like we juggle our mothers
against our fathers

or one teacher
against another
(only to balance our grade average)

3 grains of salt
to one ounce truth

our sweet black essence
or the funky honkies down the street

and lately i've begun wondering
if you're trying to tell me something

we used to talk all night
and do things alone together

and i've begun

(as a reaction to a feeling)
to balance
the pleasure of loneliness
against the pain
of loving you

Nikki Giovanni

What do you do?

This week has been a thinkie week for me. "Thinkie's" my new word. lol!!! But yeah, I've been thinking and I wrote a few poems this week and one in particular has me gripped right now. You all know I love relationship topics. I love picking apart relationship issues and with the topic of the poem I wrote... you'll get the gist of it when/if you read what I'm about to say. I was putting on my pajamas a few moments ago and started thinking aloud. The question "what do you do????".... kept coming to mind and I added a different ending each time. It started getting heavy. So, I ran to the computer and began typing as the words came to me. None of this is thought out. It's just coming out of me as you're reading it. I've never done this before for anyone else to read but this is a normal practice for me. It's a game I used to play with an old friend and I guess it kinda stuck. I wrote this little paragraph after the paragraph below so... You get to experience one of my favorite writing exercises as it's taking place. I guess now it's called... WHAT DO YOU DO?


What do you when you're hands are tied? When you've acknowledged that you do, indeed want to finally pursue something with someone legitimately and your hands are tied? Tied tightly. When you want to call and you know you shouldn't? Not because you know they're busy but because you've already called too much. Days have passed and your mind is swimming. The last time you spoke wasn't on the best of terms but you still want it. Consumed with "are you okay?" or "are we okay?" When you've never had that mutual "I wanna be with you too" conversation and now that you do have that sitting in your lap... staring you in your face, you run with it. Throwing caution to the wind. You run with that and they run with you. Emotions tied up in someone as equally imperfect as you are. When you let your guard down and hope for the best. The rest is really a mere formality. When you've lost regard for yourself? When your life isn't nearly as important as theirs? Oh here's a good one... when you've dealt with BS (excuse my French) excuses.... you know the ones.... "I was working late, "I ain't have my phone on me" and then you meet someone who gives reasons as to why their availability to you is miniscule at times. Legitimate reasons you don't dare question because their hardships seem far more "real" than yours. So, you try to step back and let some air in. Suffocating on the reality that you've lost complete control. What do you do when you lose control? What do you do? How do you handle all of that and still be okay? Do they come around? Is it really worth it? Was it bad judgement? Or just being hardheaded? Or is it just the way relationship's cookie crumbles? What do you do when you're a wreck and it seems like no one cares but you? When calls go unanswered and your mind is buzzing with what could've happened? Did I miss something? Did I say the wrong thing? What do you do when your vulnerability is no longer an accessory but a part of you? You take it everywhere you go. One simple conversation has stripped you bare and it's made you an open book? How do you handle yourself? What do you do? What do you do when the person that's supposed to understand you the most, the one you're supposed to share yourself with, your best friend, the love of your life makes you wait? What do you do? What do you when time stands still while your mind races echoing the last conversation you had? When you can't imagine your life without them and can't understand why it's all so hard at the same time? What do you do when the reality of relationship gets to be too... "real"? When "goodbye" was the last thing you heard them say instead of "I love you?" What do you do? What do you do when you know your life wouldn't be the same without them but truthfully would be a little easier to deal with. When you feel like you're heard and not listened to? When your feelings seem secondary? What do you do when no one can make you laugh as hard and cry as easily as they can? What in the world do you do? Hmmmmmm....I've been thinking a lot this week. Just figured I'd pose some really random (yet real) questions. Answer any and/or all if you'd like... bye guys! Have a wonderful weekend!

EPIPHANY: Chrisette Michele

Wow! I haven't done an album review since early Fall of last year. Trippy! Anyway... Listen, most of you know how I rely on music to do what I gotta do (i.e. write!). It's my therapy. So, I'm always up on some dopeness. And yes, the sophmore release from Chrisette Michele is insane. She came back just as strong (if not stronger) as she had two years ago with her first release, I Am. She has that Natalie Cole jazzy vibe goin' that makes her voice one that's timeless and the verbage just was era-less and flawless. So the tracks... I'm themin' the title track right now. Epiphany. Sounds positive but not so much. Well, I guess it is. She comes to the realization that if he doesn't wanna act right, "Hey, why not leave." It's now my ringtone. lol!!!! The next one I'm themin' is "What You Do" - a duet with Neyo. All I'll say is... love is an action word. Not just a feeling. Show me somethin'! lol!!!! Take it as you will. Lastly, we're rockin' "Another One." She's done and she's about to be on to... ANOTHER ONE. "Fragile" is an upbeat track with a solid message. That old school sound she's got coupled with Def Jams nasty production is immaculate. To me. You know I love to spit my opinion and this is my opinion. You need to download this or go to the store and cop it. Don't dub it!!!! Perfect timing! Great summer release... So that's it. That's all. Still listening... Enjoy it! I know I am... smooches xoxoxoxo

Naked Smoothies at 6am

Hey, ya'll. I recently received some good news and it's caused me to be in a pretty good mood lately. So I wanted to post something silly today. It just popped in my head and I had to run with the post title I came up with. So, what's this awesome news you ask? Well, I'm moving. And this is doubly exciting because I've never lived all by myself. I guess I always thought that it was the roommates that I'd chosen that made living such hell. lol! NO! It's me. I can't live with anyone (at least not another female) ever again in life. lol!!!! It just doesn't work. So, I'm going to be living alone and I'm so excited. I can wake up and yes... walk into my kitchen at 6am and make a smoothie! Clothing optional. It's funny how you don't really appreciate things until said things have been revoked. I haven't "juiced" in months. I rarely have company. I hate sharing my space. Bottom line... I just don't like the roommate deal. The next roomie I have will be my hubbie! lol!!!! Another post for another time. So, I had a little extra time on my hands and felt like being silly and this is what I came up with. I love you guys and you're all invited for a smoothie one of these days (clothing mandatory). lol!!!! Hey, send me a list of other things that I can do now that I'll be living all alone and I'll be sure to do them all!!!!! Love, love, love! Peace out, ya'll!