Secret Sex

There is an infamous episode that shares the same title as today’s blog. In this particular episode, Miranda is dating a guy that she will only allow in her bed but she won’t introduce him to her friends. Really? Interesting. Now, how is it that one can practice a sexual relationship with someone – they’ve seen you naked, heard every moan and groan, shared one of the most intimate parts of you – and you can’t bring them around your friends? Now this isn’t a play on people that your friends and family have, in deed, met. If they don’t bring them around you a lot well . . . that’s another topic. I’m talking about people that no one has seen – only you and the four walls of wherever it goes down. As I’ve stated in previous blogs, I have a lot of male friends and I love to be a fly on the wall and listen to how they talk about women, love, and relationships. I’ve heard a few of my male friends speak of women that they’d only “do” but wouldn’t dare bring them around “the people”, so to speak. That’s men. From a woman’s perspective, how in the world can you share such an intimate and private part of yourself with someone that you obviously don’t even care enough about to mention to the people you love, let alone bring them around? Once again, this is a top-secret lover, one you don’t mention – no one even knows they exist. What’s the deal with secret sex and why do we do it?

The Chicken or the Sex

There is another Sex and the City episode that stands out in my mind. It explores the timeless conundrum, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” I’ll elaborate. In this particular episode, Carrie is in a purely sexual relationship with a guy that she wants to have a legitimate relationship with. The sex is insane but that's really all there is. He's so used to that aspect of their connection that a relationship is hardly pressing. On the flip side, her girl Samantha is in a relationship with someone that she wants to revert to a purely sexual relationship with (keep in mind, Samantha is the sexually liberated one of the bunch). So, Carrie asks the question: Which comes first, the chicken or the sex? Huh? Just listen. I want to know if it is at all possible to build a lasting relationship with someone that you know only through a physical relationship or is foundation vital to mind-blowing sex and a lasting relationship?

Sex Like a Man Pt. 2

Now, in exploration of yesterday’s topic, I did some diggin’. I thought about what I’d asked and continued to ponder the complexity of sex from a woman’s perspective. I recalled a quote that I’d seen on a website that stated rather blatantly, “Date like a guy and you won’t get played like a bitch.” I must admit that for a little while I had this posted on one of my online pages and for a period made an attempt at dating this way. That period was precisely a moment in duration, but I digress. If, in fact, one takes on this mantra and ambitiously sets out to live their life this way – woman or man – isn’t hurt inevitable? My assumption – and frankly my distorted reasoning behind attempting this – is that people reason that adopting this dating approach will evade having their heart broken. But think about it. Dating with a man’s mentality (and I’m not talking about all men) usually comes back to bite someone on the ass and oft times the culprit is the one that comes out looking foolish. So, I’ll reiterate the question. Better still, I’ll rephrase it. While trying to apply dating like a guy to your dating strategy, isn’t devastation inevitable in the long run?

Sex Like a Man

One of my favorite shows is the HBO series Sex and the City and in honor of the full-length feature release on May 30, I decided to use this week as a series-based block of discussion. I’ll be pulling from poignant episodes in addition to other sources, as I’ve done before. If you’ve never seen an episode, you should at least know that the show is about a group of women that live their lives dating and sharing their dating experiences in the Big Apple. In the very first episode of the series, the topic of women having sex like men is explored and two of the women went on missions to see if they could, in deed, detach themselves from the emotionalism of sex and just enjoy the act as is. No strings. Just sex. Samantha, the more sexually liberated one of the clan, had already mastered this practice and was enjoying life bouncing from one bed to another – like men have a tendency to do. Carrie ran into an old flame and decided to turn him into a fling. They made small talk, went back to his place for a mid-day romp, she got dressed and left. After leaving the apartment she wore a luminous smile and the voice over stated, “I’d just had sex like a man.” I found this to be interesting, at best. Never having been one to ever want to attempt having more than one partner, I found this baffling. How can a woman – being such an emotional creature, wanting to love and nurture all that we do – detach herself from something as emotionally involved as sex? Is it possible? Can a woman really have sex like a man?