Monday, November 24, 2008

Love at Last

Revelation is such an invigorating experience. I got the opportunity to look at myself this weekend. I thought that I’d developed an objective view into the hurt that I’d been feeling but in all actuality, I hadn’t. The hurt that I felt due to failed relationships, neglect, and misuse by men was my main focus. Most . . . all of which I, myself, perpetuated. So, I can’t just blame them for what was done. Further more, I won’t dwell on what was done. The motive behind this post is to try as best I can to get what was given to me this weekend across to you all. I came to the realization that I was concentrating so much on my hurt that I’d neglected myself. I saw my hurt but wasn’t looking at Ashley. The two entities aren’t attached. Yes, I wore my hurt but it was merely an accessory. Something that can easily be removed and disregarded, tossed to the side, and if I’m gutsy enough I can obliterate it. Pain looks good on no one and there is no amount of MAC, Bobbi Brown, or Iman that can cover a painful experience after said experience has been put on by the “victimized” party. (Smiling) The dopest part of all of this is that I came to the conclusion that my consistency with attracting men that weren’t able to be faithful to me was because Ashley wasn’t faithful to herself. I’d sacrificed the love that I was supposed to have for me to seek love elsewhere. My nurturing my hurt caused Ashley to lack in so many areas. Areas that no earthly man could ever fill, validate, or make whole. This time around I opted to walk out of the door of “reliving when” and decided to walk across the threshold of “remembering when.” From this point on I’ll always remember. That’s where growth and healing begin. But never again will I relive any of these instances. Talk about freedom. The pity party’s over and done with. My emotional debt has been paid in full. So, as of midnight Saturday night . . . Ashley’s in a fulfilling and drama-free relationship . . . with herself. I’m committed to . . . me. This is a little nerve wracking because well . . . I’m a handful!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Ashley's Confession

I don't really have a whole lot to say today guys. Well, I haven't had much to say in a minute but this has been on my heart all morning and I know that I'm not the only one that can glean something powerful from the words to this song. These are the lyrics to a song sung by the Christian Alternative band Third Day. The words are very simple but profound, heart-felt and sincere. So this is where I am right now. Be good . . .

Take My Life:

How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time you've taken me back
And now I ask you do it once more
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to you
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength to
give it away to you Jesus
How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
And every time you've taken me back
And now I pray you'll do it tonight

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Barack Hussein Obama - The 44th President of the USA

As I write this, tears streaming my face and watching two little black girls running toward their father to congratulate him on such an incredible victory, I’m at a loss for words. I begin to recollect the immense struggle that the people before me endured just so that I could experience something like this . . . someone that looks like me – like us - running the United States of America. At 12:00 a.m. Barack Hussein Obama took the stage to deliver a speech of thanks and victory and all I could do was cry. A Black man is the 44th president of this country! Can ya’ll believe that? I mean really. I could pull some deep philosophy out of my bag of words and rhetoric, but seriously . . . there’s nothing I can really say. I’m so emotional right now and so thankful that my little boy can sit in a circle and when the teacher asks what he wants to be when he grows up he can look at her and proudly say . . . “I want to be the president when I grow up,” and can believe it and know that it’s achievable. To be a part of such an incredible benchmark in history – not just Black history but American history – is phenomenal to me. You all that read regularly know that I’m one to really make you think but I think what happened at 11:00 p.m. on November 4, 2008 is enough to think about on it’s own. There’s nothing Ashley really needs to say. I can barely keep still as it is. It’s going to take a minute for all of this to digest but I had to say something. Yo! We just got a Black president! Is that not bananas? Ugh! It’s been a long time coming but it’s only the beginning! Stay up!This is America . . .