Thursday, February 5, 2009
Last night (or tonight) I was sitting and listening to one of my favorite poets, Jill Scott. Her first LP, Who Is Jill Scott? - Words and Sounds Volume 1. I got stuck on the track that owns the same title as today's (tonight's) post. Having heard the song a million and three times, something she said stood out to me and then made the rest of the song/poem all the more profound. "Now me non-clairvoyant and in love made the coochie easy and the obvious invisible." I froze for a moment thinking as usual. Damn! To realize how true it is. When we reach that point of love - even if just the foretaste, it seems to make the things we need to pay close attention to, the things that have their arms flailing, screaming "look at me" or "something's not right here," the things that we should heed before getting in too deep . . . for some reason love blinds us to the obvious. Why is that? Now I'm not blaming love for failed relationships or ill decisions or things that went ignored but I do know that I'm not the only one that this has happened to. So, I'll ask again, why oh why do we allow the IDEA of LOVE to blind us to the things that are sure-fire warnings that this isn't . . . good love?
Monday, February 2, 2009
I'll do my best to do this without airing too much personal information but I'd been dealing with something for close to six months that I refused to face and this weekend I forced myself to "man up", as the urban saying goes. Before I begin, I wanted to preface the rest of this post with some truth. You all know that I've been working diligently on these two manuscripts and the one that I finished a few days before Christmas centers around the wealth of forgiveness. Often, we as the selfish creatures we tend to be, have the joint tendency of believing that forgiveness only helps those that give it. So, I spent months writing this story with the assurance that people would get how healthy it is to forgive those that wrong us rather than die in bitterness (not a physical death though). With all of that having been said, something wasn't sitting right with me. When I came to the realization of what I needed to do so that I could be a better person, a better girlfriend, and most importantly a better friend, I knew that I'd grown up tremendously since this summer. Here goes. When it comes to forgiveness, I've found that being on the receiving end is just as (if not more) freeing than being on the giving end. It's all one big revolving door that never stops turning. I've also discovered that the unforgiven can just as easily die in the bitterness of not having asked to be forgiven. That's some deep stuff, huh? lol! Anyway, I feel good and the fact that I've gotten what I needed makes me feel like a different person. One that really knows the art of relationship - even if in part. I can say I know a little something. (smiling) And I'm not talking about romance and all that jazz. Friendship is the basis of it all or at least it should be. So, I did what I could to start from scratch and take baby steps in handling what I needed to handle. Our selfish human tendency goes one of two ways. We either say, "Forgive her for what? Do you know what she did to me?" or the other way, "I'm not asking for forgiveness or admitting wrongdoing?" Sounds like something my mom likes to say, you're just cutting off your nose to spite your face. Translation: Pride helps no one. And besides, who wants to live a miserably acrimonious life of prideful disdain? I know I don't. So, yeah I feel a lot better and I'm going to be better in my dealings with people. Especially the ones that mean something to me. So, that's where I am and who I am. Still learning and growing and getting better. This is a good feeling. Have a great day!