“You only get one. Two tops.”
“One what?”
"True love.”
“True love my a**, man. Love is what you make and with whom you make it. That’s it.”
“Yeah, well. I think I messed up twice. You’d think by now I’d have a little more insight. I don’t know, man. I don’t know what to think….”
“THAT, my friend, is your problem right there. Physics this sh*t ain’t. It ain’t supposed to make sense. Love. Passion. It is what it is.”
Anyone who’s heard this conversation knows that it comes from one of my favorite movies, Love Jones. As many times as I’ve watched the movie and recited the script blow for blow, this discourse stood out to me last night and I began to think.
At first, I began to recant some statements that I’d made in a post a few months back. If you don’t remember, it had to do with the topic of soul mates and a question a friend raised to me about the possibility of such a thing. I don’t know, I think I began to straddle the fence and began hanging more on the side of Darius (the one struggling with having lost the second woman he’d ever loved).
Is it true? Do we only have one (two tops) opportunities in our lifetime to experience the pristine occurance of falling in love and falling hard? The more I thought about it, the more I believe it to be true. Yes, a lifetime is a long time but when it comes to building something lasting with someone, it’s not that long at all. So, if my hypothesis is correct, I guess the idea of a soul mate isn’t that farfetched.
Who knows, a soul mate and a true love could very well be two different things, which could turn this post into another discussion in itself.
But maybe, just maybe…..
What if the heavens opened up and dropped someone wonderful in your life. Like the piece to jigsaw puzzle, it was kismet. Not perfect but you’re perfect for each other.
Now, in Darius’ case, he allowed true love to slip through his fingers because of selfishness and a lack of willingness to work. And granted love is work. Hard work. I always say, it’s easy to fall in love, but staying is the hard part. If you haven’t seen the movie, a year passes and he gets her back. Typical Hollywood ending.
Now I can also relate to Ed’s argument. It’s not rocket science. “Love is what you make and with whom you make it.”
I think both arguments can be married in a sense. You fall in love but it has to be nurtured. Who knows? I’m just “spit balling” or “shootin’ from the hip.” I think it’s a pretty good question though.
I guess my main question is: Are soul mates and true loves synonymous or two entirely different entities?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
Love's Timetable
Love’s Timeline
An interesting summer it’s been. So much so that my approach to love and love politics has drastically changed. The next series of blog posts will be along the lines of LOVE (which is nothing new), love’s timing, love’s appropriateness, and whatever else keeps me tossing and turning throughout the night. These days, slumberless hours are commonplace.
One of the topics that has me by the reigns right now is love’s timing. Yeah, that’s what I said. Believe me, I never thought I’d question such a thing but lately I’ve begun to wonder. Does love ever have bad timing?
It kind of makes sense when you think enough about it.
But to reiterate the question at hand, does love have a tendency to have bad timing? Ashley, what in the world does that mean? How can love have bad timing?
Just think about it. You’re in a position that isn’t favorable for loving another person. You’re tied up with certain life issues, situations, isms, and schisms that have you bound in a way that loving someone else [right now] seems to be too much….
Let me give you all a scenario.
You’re going about your day-to-day as you always have. Life isn’t the best but you’ve promised yourself and the people in your life that you’re going to work through all these “things” before you consider yourself and your own happiness. What we like to call the “brave front.” Then one day you happen to meet someone. Neither of you is looking to date or have a partner but you hit it off. Because both of you have a lot going on, you resolve to remain friends until things blow over (however long that may take). Friendship proves to break down some emotional barriers. You learn a lot about each other - internally and externally – and feelings begin to flourish. Before you know it, love has lugged all it’s baggage into your heart’s front door and you’re feeling things and wanting things that – for a period – you never thought you’d have. Everything is perfect. They may not be perfect but they’re perfect for you. But time….. time is a funny thing. You’re both put in a position to weigh what’s going to happen. If circumstances are extenuating enough, one or both of you has mapped out the next few years (before having met each other) and you or they were never on the map. All that love stuff was supposed to come later. When life slowed down , thinking was easier, and weights weren’t perpetually on your shoulders. So, now what?
There’s a rift. Breaks are pumped. Tires screech and feelings are capped tightly forced to be stunted. Everything wonderful comes to a screeching halt. “Let’s just figure this out. This is too much right now.” Things have to change quickly because this wasn’t in the plan. Time apart? Probably a good idea but love continues to grow. As the saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow…. Fonder.” So, how do you keep things in perspective? This isn’t wrong but it’s totally not…. On time. The right timetable, so to speak.
I guess my second question would be, if love’s timing is off and you consent to taking time to figure it all out, is it worth the wait or should you keep it moving? Waiting, however, doesn’t imply standing completely still but more or less, living your lives separately until you can live harmoniously together. I know what I think but really want to know what you all think.
Can love have bad timing? And if so, if that love is earthquaking enough, is it worth the wait?
An interesting summer it’s been. So much so that my approach to love and love politics has drastically changed. The next series of blog posts will be along the lines of LOVE (which is nothing new), love’s timing, love’s appropriateness, and whatever else keeps me tossing and turning throughout the night. These days, slumberless hours are commonplace.
One of the topics that has me by the reigns right now is love’s timing. Yeah, that’s what I said. Believe me, I never thought I’d question such a thing but lately I’ve begun to wonder. Does love ever have bad timing?
It kind of makes sense when you think enough about it.
But to reiterate the question at hand, does love have a tendency to have bad timing? Ashley, what in the world does that mean? How can love have bad timing?
Just think about it. You’re in a position that isn’t favorable for loving another person. You’re tied up with certain life issues, situations, isms, and schisms that have you bound in a way that loving someone else [right now] seems to be too much….
Let me give you all a scenario.
You’re going about your day-to-day as you always have. Life isn’t the best but you’ve promised yourself and the people in your life that you’re going to work through all these “things” before you consider yourself and your own happiness. What we like to call the “brave front.” Then one day you happen to meet someone. Neither of you is looking to date or have a partner but you hit it off. Because both of you have a lot going on, you resolve to remain friends until things blow over (however long that may take). Friendship proves to break down some emotional barriers. You learn a lot about each other - internally and externally – and feelings begin to flourish. Before you know it, love has lugged all it’s baggage into your heart’s front door and you’re feeling things and wanting things that – for a period – you never thought you’d have. Everything is perfect. They may not be perfect but they’re perfect for you. But time….. time is a funny thing. You’re both put in a position to weigh what’s going to happen. If circumstances are extenuating enough, one or both of you has mapped out the next few years (before having met each other) and you or they were never on the map. All that love stuff was supposed to come later. When life slowed down , thinking was easier, and weights weren’t perpetually on your shoulders. So, now what?
There’s a rift. Breaks are pumped. Tires screech and feelings are capped tightly forced to be stunted. Everything wonderful comes to a screeching halt. “Let’s just figure this out. This is too much right now.” Things have to change quickly because this wasn’t in the plan. Time apart? Probably a good idea but love continues to grow. As the saying goes, “Absence makes the heart grow…. Fonder.” So, how do you keep things in perspective? This isn’t wrong but it’s totally not…. On time. The right timetable, so to speak.
I guess my second question would be, if love’s timing is off and you consent to taking time to figure it all out, is it worth the wait or should you keep it moving? Waiting, however, doesn’t imply standing completely still but more or less, living your lives separately until you can live harmoniously together. I know what I think but really want to know what you all think.
Can love have bad timing? And if so, if that love is earthquaking enough, is it worth the wait?
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Unfit to Wed - Why Did You Get Married?
Hello my beautiful readers (if you're still reading this blog - lol!!!),
As you can see I only write when something really poignant grips me or makes me think tremendously and the last couple of weeks have been interesting and trying. I've learned some interesting things about myself, about life, a lot about love, and about how complicated the simplest things can be. I spend a lot of time in my head and it can be a pretty dangerous place. With the way that things have gone emotionally for the past few weeks, I'll be writing a lot more so you guys (hopefully) will be reading some more.
What am I thinking about right now?
I've found myself over the last couple of months repeating to myself and to a few significant people the same phrases over and over. "I know what I have to offer." Or I'll preface sentences with, "As a woman with a strong desire to be married...." I started thinking about that and the fact that I think I'm a pretty good catch. I know that I would make someone a wonderful wife. Not just with the given physical benefits of living under the same roof but with supporting and loving my husband, fighting for him, loving him some more, maintaining a house, cooking, taking care of babies, basically the 24 hour job that a wife takes on when she says "I do." I've come to realize that that's what "I do" means. I do and do and do and do. lol!!!! But I digress.
With the willingness that I've found in myself to be a good wife (this isn't to say that I don't have flaws) but with that willingness, I find so many women unwilling to do all the things I've listed and somehow, wind up with wonderful men. Dedicated men that love their families and stick it out for the sake of that.... FAMILY. With the knowledge that broken homes are difficult places to live.
Why is that? Or is it just me? Am the only one that sees this kind of thing a little more frequently everyday? Men that don't want to go home but have to because they made a promise and because they need to keep a sense of normalcy for the children.
Women that don't speak a positive word to the men they married. Women too independent to do laundry or pick up a pot and boil some spaghetti. Women whose priorities far exceed their address and being at home (especially at a decent hour) is too much to ask. Why is that?
I would venture to ask why the men stick it out but I've already answered that question.
My mother was just on the phone with my brother a moment ago and I was in a different room. She speaks loudly so no matter where I am, I'm always in earshot. lol!!!! But from her tone over the phone I could tell he was upset. She said, "Let me tell you somethin'. Any woman that doesn't adhere to the basic duties of a wife and taking care of her husband's needs, should've never married in the first place." Of course we live in a new era of family but I'm a little old school as far as this topic is concerned.
Granted, people get married for the wrong reasons and I know once children are thrown in the mix things get far more complicated but is there a right way to end a bad thing?
As you can see I only write when something really poignant grips me or makes me think tremendously and the last couple of weeks have been interesting and trying. I've learned some interesting things about myself, about life, a lot about love, and about how complicated the simplest things can be. I spend a lot of time in my head and it can be a pretty dangerous place. With the way that things have gone emotionally for the past few weeks, I'll be writing a lot more so you guys (hopefully) will be reading some more.
What am I thinking about right now?
I've found myself over the last couple of months repeating to myself and to a few significant people the same phrases over and over. "I know what I have to offer." Or I'll preface sentences with, "As a woman with a strong desire to be married...." I started thinking about that and the fact that I think I'm a pretty good catch. I know that I would make someone a wonderful wife. Not just with the given physical benefits of living under the same roof but with supporting and loving my husband, fighting for him, loving him some more, maintaining a house, cooking, taking care of babies, basically the 24 hour job that a wife takes on when she says "I do." I've come to realize that that's what "I do" means. I do and do and do and do. lol!!!! But I digress.
With the willingness that I've found in myself to be a good wife (this isn't to say that I don't have flaws) but with that willingness, I find so many women unwilling to do all the things I've listed and somehow, wind up with wonderful men. Dedicated men that love their families and stick it out for the sake of that.... FAMILY. With the knowledge that broken homes are difficult places to live.
Why is that? Or is it just me? Am the only one that sees this kind of thing a little more frequently everyday? Men that don't want to go home but have to because they made a promise and because they need to keep a sense of normalcy for the children.
Women that don't speak a positive word to the men they married. Women too independent to do laundry or pick up a pot and boil some spaghetti. Women whose priorities far exceed their address and being at home (especially at a decent hour) is too much to ask. Why is that?
I would venture to ask why the men stick it out but I've already answered that question.
My mother was just on the phone with my brother a moment ago and I was in a different room. She speaks loudly so no matter where I am, I'm always in earshot. lol!!!! But from her tone over the phone I could tell he was upset. She said, "Let me tell you somethin'. Any woman that doesn't adhere to the basic duties of a wife and taking care of her husband's needs, should've never married in the first place." Of course we live in a new era of family but I'm a little old school as far as this topic is concerned.
Granted, people get married for the wrong reasons and I know once children are thrown in the mix things get far more complicated but is there a right way to end a bad thing?
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