Thursday, March 25, 2010

Visually Displeasing

So today was another rough "beauty day" to say the least. I felt okay at first. Mainly because I spent majority of the day around infants and their biggest concern is either their next diaper change, bottle, or why-in-the-world-haven't-you-picked-me-up-yet? My hair was pretty much the last thing on my mind. Then I went to church this evening and came home and most of my twists in the front had unravelled. I have pretty soft hair so this is to be expected. I mean, yeah it's been two weeks but my patience is being severely challenged. I guess it's true what they say about us living in an instant generation and society. Everything has to be right now and automatic. Process is foreign to us and this process (for lack of another word) is trying.

I love the encouragement and the connection that I feel with other people with locks (whether they're newbies or seasoned) but this first two weeks has been rough. I do not feel attractive. No matter what I do, how much make up I put on. Sunday my hair was doing what it wanted to do so I decided to put on the most frilly, girly frock I could find in my closet just to feel the way I'm used to feeling and it did nothing. Although I received many compliments I still felt awkward and untamed. It must be all over my face because yesterday, I was in Trader Joe's and a young lady in the elder stage of her journey smiled at me as she took the shopping baskets back outside. When she returned she asked me if I needed a bag and then asked, "How long have you had your locks."

I chuckled and answered, "Almost two weeks."

And she replied, "I know this is rough but you gotta go through it. I promise it's gonna pass and it's gonna be worth. But it suits you."

I smiled and asked a few questions and headed on my way. I felt good for the moment but I find myself staring at myself all the time. Excited about the end result but not thrilled about what I have to do to get there.
As I'm typing this, I'm getting a revelation and am looking at this far beyond my hair. I'm being taught some things and it's really uncomfortable but as the young lady said, "It's gonna pass and it's gonna be worth it."

I don't want to call it the ugly stage. It sounds demeaning. Almost as though I made a mistake. But what seems to be more ironically appropriate is the grooming stage.

Ironic because, I look unkempt by my standards but am being groomed for something much bigger than long locks. If I can sit through this process then.....

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