Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Exes, Wine Analogies, Kite Metaphors, and other random thoughts

Hey ya’ll,

Happy New Year!!!! This is indeed my first post of the year. I don’t post as often as I did when I started this blog but I still love it just the same.
So here it comes. First things first, if you’ve read at least two of my posts (from over the last three years or so) you know I have a tendency to take two or more instances or occurrences and tie them together (hence the title of this post). Second things second, many of you know that I adore the HBO comedy/drama Sex and The City and have a few posts about particular episodes. However, I’ve never posted anything about the episode I’m about to analyze. Thirdly, just listen and pay attention! ☺
Okay, last week I was watching my usual Sex and the City episodes around lunch time and I’m pretty sure I was preoccupied and half listening. The episode was entitled Ex and the City. Anyone familiar with the series knows that Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big had an on again off again relationship for the duration of the series. So much so that he married twice during their off periods. And imposed lots of vexation on Carrie because he couldn’t make the seemingly simple decision to love and be loved. Anyway, this episode happened to be during an off period and Carrie unfortunately found out that Big was engaged. Now this was after she’d attempted to turn their romance into a friendship. He just sprung it on her (over a “friendly” lunch). Of course, she flipped out, stormed out of the restaurant, and had a pity party. But shortly thereafter in the episode she was having brunch with her girlfriends and they began chopping up the idea of exes. With her head in her hands and frustration smeared all over her face, she lowered her eyes and asked, “If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?”
Although my mind was partially preoccupied, I froze and immediately became engrossed in the episode. In spite of the fact that I’d seen it several times. The episode took me back to a conversation I’d had with a close friend two weeks prior.
He and I were talking and somehow we got on the subject of relationships (as we always seem to do) and he asked me if I ever think about a particular person from my recent past. Of course, names won’t be mentioned but because he asked and I’d been keeping things to myself, I began to heave my thoughts about this person uncontrollably until I could find a way to control myself and listen to what my buddy had to say.

Before I stopped though, I said, “I just believe that our separating meant we needed to better ourselves for ourselves so that we can be wonderful for each other. It’s like wine. It gets better with time but only if it’s left alone to ferment.”
He said something that struck me as poignant. “That’s a pretty good analogy but keep in mind, when the grapes are stomped at the beginning of the process, it’s merely grape juice and nothing else. As time passes, seasons change, and fermentation begins to take hold, it’s no longer grape juice. If you want this to boomerang and come around again, expect for things to be different.” There was a pause. Then he said, “Different but better. No longer the immature version of wine or in this case, a relationship. You can’t rush it if you want it to be good.” He put great emphasis on me resisting the urge to make contact. I guess it would be like popping the cork too soon.
Lastly, he took me on a bit of an analytical rollercoaster and said, “It’s like a kite. Of course, a kite is on a string and the more you try to control it the more out of control it becomes and less beauty is seen. But when you gently release and let go, there’s beauty in what’s to follow your letting go. The wind takes over and you lose control of the thing you so desperately wanted to control.”
Sheesh, how in the world do all of these three metaphors align? Well, in Carries case she and Big ended up together. Albeit ten years and two failed marriages later but they ended up together nonetheless and with that separation came maturity and a sense of self-actualization. What they could take, what they could give, what they could tolerate, how to trust, and how to put the negative occurrences in their past behind them for the sake of a love that never went anywhere. It just got better with time. Even in their being apart.
The kite? Carrie and Big both let go and freed themselves so that the situation could mend itself while they mended themselves APART. They both stored their love in the cellars of their souls and waited to pop the cork when they were both at a place of being beneficial to each other.
This may not make any sense to anyone that reads this but if you think about it some relationships are meant to end for good and some end because you’re not the person you’re supposed to be for them RIGHT NOW. You’re simply the immature version of a fine wine. I’ve heard a lot of stories about couples that broke up and years later got back together. Maybe I’m encouraging myself and rambling to appease my thoughts and feelings.
So to answer Carrie’s question, If you love someone and you breakup, and it’s real love, the love is bottled up for safe keeping until it’s literally ready to be what it was meant to be. Not just for you but for the other person as well.
I think I answered my own question and just used Carrie as a scapegoat. ☺ Anyway, I just felt like sharing. I hope everyone has a fabulous week and when something else strikes me you all will be the first to know! Smooches!

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