Love at Last

Revelation is such an invigorating experience. I got the opportunity to look at myself this weekend. I thought that I’d developed an objective view into the hurt that I’d been feeling but in all actuality, I hadn’t. The hurt that I felt due to failed relationships, neglect, and misuse by men was my main focus. Most . . . all of which I, myself, perpetuated. So, I can’t just blame them for what was done. Further more, I won’t dwell on what was done. The motive behind this post is to try as best I can to get what was given to me this weekend across to you all. I came to the realization that I was concentrating so much on my hurt that I’d neglected myself. I saw my hurt but wasn’t looking at Ashley. The two entities aren’t attached. Yes, I wore my hurt but it was merely an accessory. Something that can easily be removed and disregarded, tossed to the side, and if I’m gutsy enough I can obliterate it. Pain looks good on no one and there is no amount of MAC, Bobbi Brown, or Iman that can cover a painful experience after said experience has been put on by the “victimized” party. (Smiling) The dopest part of all of this is that I came to the conclusion that my consistency with attracting men that weren’t able to be faithful to me was because Ashley wasn’t faithful to herself. I’d sacrificed the love that I was supposed to have for me to seek love elsewhere. My nurturing my hurt caused Ashley to lack in so many areas. Areas that no earthly man could ever fill, validate, or make whole. This time around I opted to walk out of the door of “reliving when” and decided to walk across the threshold of “remembering when.” From this point on I’ll always remember. That’s where growth and healing begin. But never again will I relive any of these instances. Talk about freedom. The pity party’s over and done with. My emotional debt has been paid in full. So, as of midnight Saturday night . . . Ashley’s in a fulfilling and drama-free relationship . . . with herself. I’m committed to . . . me. This is a little nerve wracking because well . . . I’m a handful!

Ashley's Confession

I don't really have a whole lot to say today guys. Well, I haven't had much to say in a minute but this has been on my heart all morning and I know that I'm not the only one that can glean something powerful from the words to this song. These are the lyrics to a song sung by the Christian Alternative band Third Day. The words are very simple but profound, heart-felt and sincere. So this is where I am right now. Be good . . .

Take My Life:

How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time you've taken me back
And now I ask you do it once more
Chorus
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to you
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength to
give it away to you Jesus
How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
And every time you've taken me back
And now I pray you'll do it tonight

Barack Hussein Obama - The 44th President of the USA

As I write this, tears streaming my face and watching two little black girls running toward their father to congratulate him on such an incredible victory, I’m at a loss for words. I begin to recollect the immense struggle that the people before me endured just so that I could experience something like this . . . someone that looks like me – like us - running the United States of America. At 12:00 a.m. Barack Hussein Obama took the stage to deliver a speech of thanks and victory and all I could do was cry. A Black man is the 44th president of this country! Can ya’ll believe that? I mean really. I could pull some deep philosophy out of my bag of words and rhetoric, but seriously . . . there’s nothing I can really say. I’m so emotional right now and so thankful that my little boy can sit in a circle and when the teacher asks what he wants to be when he grows up he can look at her and proudly say . . . “I want to be the president when I grow up,” and can believe it and know that it’s achievable. To be a part of such an incredible benchmark in history – not just Black history but American history – is phenomenal to me. You all that read regularly know that I’m one to really make you think but I think what happened at 11:00 p.m. on November 4, 2008 is enough to think about on it’s own. There’s nothing Ashley really needs to say. I can barely keep still as it is. It’s going to take a minute for all of this to digest but I had to say something. Yo! We just got a Black president! Is that not bananas? Ugh! It’s been a long time coming but it’s only the beginning! Stay up!This is America . . .

The Terrace

Last night I was sitting out on my terrace like I do every night. For the past week I've had a friend to sit with. I've been talking to the man that lives on the second floor and directly across from me. He's dating my neighbor (who's a sweetheart as well). He's intrigued by the fact that I'm a writer and we've had some pretty awesome conversations. Last night we were sitting and talking and he said that he'd gone to court earlier that day. He's going through an ugly divorce and had to be escorted in and out of the court house. He made several pleas to me. The first was if I really didn't like who I was in a relationship with, I needed to let him go before it even got so far as to what he was dealing with. I told him I understood completely (damn if that didn't make me think) but that's when the conversation got just a little bit more heavy. His children are the products of an interracial relationship. Their mother is Korean and he's white. He began to cry and he went on to explain how he was raised in Manassas, VA where racism was very prevalent but he hadn't been on the losing end . . . until now. Racism is all he sees and it's through the eyes of his children. He started to sob uncontrollably and he admitted to me that he's heard his children called names like "chinks" on the soccer field or he'd be asked ignorant questions like, "Whose children are those? Are they adopted?" Such a heartbreaking yet eye-opening discussion. His final plea to me was to write something that included his children. Something that almost obliterated the ubiquitous nature of race and made us all human and not a color. I promised I'd do so and then he called his phone number out to me and this was the very last thing that he said, "Call me anytime. I have so much to talk about and there's something about you that makes me trust you. We can have coffee some time soon." I agreed and promised to call him this week. Finally he said, "I don't know what it is about you. I know that you're black but I wouldn't know you if I saw you walk past me on the street. I've never seen your face. But I can't wait to shake your hand and give you the biggest hug I've ever given anyone." Because we're always out there after sunset we've never seen each other's faces and I think that little tidbit makes this exchange all the more beautiful. I'm really not sure why I'm sharing this with you guys but . . . . that's my life and I'm living and loving it. It's a blessing the way that I've been given so much inspiration in just a matter of months. I'm writing my heart out and I won't stop until there's nothing left to say . . .

Pandemonium

Hopefully I wasn’t alone last night while I watched the third and final presidential debate. This one out of all of them – to me – was the most influential. I try but in this case I can’t help but to be partial. I don’t know all of the political lingo like the analysts on CNN, MSNBC, and the dreaded sly FOX News, but I do know that my boy held it down. His entrance epitomized authority. Even the way that he answered questions, keeping his cool while being interrupted and over-talked. I think he did a wonderful job and I really think there isn’t much question as to who’s about to take charge and run this country. I will say that November 4th is going to be a very interesting day. History will be made (and already has been made) but . . . my prayer is no longer “Lord, let the right man get into the White House.” My prayer now is, “Lord, cover him with your blood, grace and mercy.” With only three weeks left on the campaign trail, the pot thickens. The conversations of Americans are changing and the awareness of all of us – even our children – is centered around the state of this country. Tuesday I was in the grocery store and the young man responsible for bagging my groceries noticed that I was wearing an Obama tee shirt. He asked if I liked Obama and then went on to say how he was afraid for his life. I asked how old he was. He was only 17 and wouldn’t be able to vote until the next election. Then I asked him why he was afraid and he said . . . “Well, because the KKK is going to try to kill him. But if I could vote, I'd vote for Obama. I think he's gonna win!” A young white kid and his innocence was what struck me with the bitter reality that our country really isn’t above the race card. So, this (in addition to my other political posts) may sound overly emotional and scatter-brained but I think you all know what I’m getting at. We’ve been given the keys to change. Go to the polls early or on the 4th and do what our ancestors fought for us to be able to do. While you’re standing in line pray for the safety of our future leaders, the state of our country and most of all . . . . pray for change.

Big ups to Ms. Wiggins’ 7th grade language arts students for allowing me to participate in the beginning stages of their political essays. You guys ROCK!!!!

And in closing all I gotta say is . . . OBAMA ’08!!!!!!!

Captive Collective!!!!!

Hello readers! I wanted to take this opportunity to shout out a group of dope designers. Pretty good friends of mine that have launched a custom tee shirt biz. One of the designers even hooked up a custom shirt for my Libra! LOL!! So check out the site. The address is below . . . it’s some pretty hot *ish. These are my homies so show ‘em some love! That’s all! Peace out!

www.captivecollective.com

FEARLESS - Jazmine Sullivan Album Review

Finally! I haven’t done a week-in-review album review in a minute and what I’m about to talk about is like the dopest LP I’ve heard in a long, long, long time. Jazmine Sullivan’s debut album FEARLESS is insane. Released last Tuesday, September 23, 2008, I like to refer to it as a woman’s audible journal. Besides the girl having a Kim Burrell kind of flavor (gospel artist), she draws solely on personal experience. It’s not a superficial album that appeals mainly to club mixes and cloud nine love effects that most artists – especially new artists – gravitate towards when trying to appeal to and build a new audience. Nah, homegirl talks about it all. Even though the content is heavy at times, it’s still something that’s a pleasure to listen to. She doesn’t rest on a groove so you have no choice but to listen to the lyrics. The music is “off” and unexpected and the lyrics are genius. Of course, we all know, NEED U BAD, which was built around a reggae vibe but the second single released just recently is BUST YOUR WINDOWS, the opening track of the album. It’s a dramatic illustration of a woman scorned. The track is laced with the sounds of a score from a major motion picture. I’m tellin’ you, I wrote a chapter off the top of my head just from hearing the song once. I’ve since listened to it over and over and over again. Talk about needed inspiration. Jazmine took the high road and decided to illustrate with words while allowing her voice to carry a crazy melody. Between riffs you inevitably recount the things that have happened to you in your life as it pertains to relationships. I may have never busted a dudes windows but damn if I wasn’t talked out of it by my girls! LOL!!!! Some of the other tracks that will keep you listening: MY FOOLISH HEART, LIONS, TIGERS & BEARS, ONE NIGHT STAND, IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER MAN, and my new favorite track (today at least) LIVE A LIE. The chorus says it all . . . “If a lie gon’ get me through, I’d rather not know the truth. If the truth gon’ make me cry, I’d rather just live a lie.” Ugh! And to think, I was skeptical because I just thought this was gonna be one of those dope first singles that left little for the consumer to enjoy once the album was finally released. Not this time. Jazmine Sullivan did her thing! If you don’t have it . . . go cop it! I’m a sucker for a good quote and she did that too. There are a few that I can’t seem to get out of my head.

“Why do we love love when love seems to hate us?” From the track LIONS, TIGERS & BEARS

“We ain’t human without fear.” From the track FEAR

"I'm scared of love 'cause I'm scared he'll leave." From the track FEAR


So if you’ve got any feedback on this newbie, hit me up!