Most of the posts that I share with you all are drawn from personal experiences or experiences that friends and acquaintances share with me. Today is no different. Yesterday a close friend of mine and I were chatting online and we had a pretty profound conversation (as always). The conversation started with us chopping up our flaws. The things that we struggle with in relationships. The things that we have a hard time letting go of and the things that often times pose as hindrances in our dealings with men. (Sidebar: she’s in a pretty serious situation with a great guy that adores her) So we talked for a while and we both came to the conclusion that it all comes down to vulnerability, letting go, and embracing our strength in different ways (Tuesday’s post). Sacrificing who we think we’re supposed to be and be what we need to be for whomever it is that we’re with. The two of us are both pretty independent and have a hard time coupling our independence and self-sufficiency with dependence on whomever we’re dating at a particular time. This issue first arises when you’re trained in unhealthy relationships NOT to depend on someone that’s NOT dependable, but I digress. It’s almost as though dependence becomes a weakness in our eyes and it’s a hard thing to shake. We’re trained to be women as little girls but we’re not always trained to be women in relationships. That’s something we have to teach ourselves through trial and error. Because the two of us are so used to rollin’ dolo (for lack of a better phrase), we own it, and are comfortable with it, when we are with someone we don’t know how to switch or perfect the balancing act of being the independent woman and the woman who has dependence on the man that she loves. Please, don’t misunderstand this as meaning we are weak but in all honesty, there is a level of dependence on your partner that has to be present. Men need to feel wanted and needed. We know this yet we continue to struggle with allowing ourselves to need. I made this statement, “We train ourselves not to need (in this case a man) but in all actuality it’s the need for them that’s the only thing that feeds us.” Now as I’ve said before, I don’t claim to know it all as far as men, women, and relationships are concerned. That’s not the case at all. I think I’m just struggling with the dependent and independent thing and am looking for a little advice from my fantastic readers. Ladies, do you view dependence as evidence of your weakness? Is showing weakness in relationships a negative thing or is this further evidence of the soft strength that we as women have? How can we balance the two and be what we need for both our selves and our significant others? Just a few questions that I honestly don’t have the answers to.
P.S. I love quotes and one came to mind that aptly fits into today's discussion. 2 Corinthians 12:9(b) - For my strength is made perfect in weakness.
Help me out!
2 comments:
My sister sent this response to me -
well I don't claim to know it all either my friend, however, this is the most powerful blog I've read yet.............I hear your heartbeat. As a woman, when you are alone I mean not in a relationship you have to be the bread winner, the oil changer, the light bulb changer, spider killer, on and on and on, so you have that since of "I am woman hear me roar" but when you meet that one that says listen, I want to do this, that and a third for you, that innate charisma that God birthed in us comes out, because we are just that the weaker vessel, that doesn't mean that we don't become, but it means that our weakness is so strong that without us that man would be nothing............the bible says that he that findeth a wife....you know the rest but the best part of that is "and obtaineth favor" he won't get the favor the blessing, or anything with out him finding that weaker strength, that's what I like to call it. When you meet that man, like I have, and like many women have, you don't mind piping down and saying when people see him they see me, my reflection is all in him...............that's how strong our weakness really is. Your independence has to to remove the "in" so that you can find your place, it's not saying that you lose yourself but you find the place that you need to be with that man, and you two make it work. Just balance it out, and make it work. That's from doing it yourself, to having the last word in an argument............a woman's charisma is POWERFULLLLLLLLL and He can't live without it. So I say to all of the bloggers and readers that are woman, just find your place as a woman, and embrace your weaker strength.............it's very heavy.
Thanks RockWill
Wow this is sOoOooooo me! Damn what happen to our girly outings where we used to talk about such things?
S. Todd
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