Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The WHY? - Reader questions . . .

*Note to readers - with whichever question you ask please include the corresponding number to the question/answer.

1 - I guess my question has two parts. Why is it that men are so afraid to show how much they really love a woman? I mean you can tell that they do, but they will fight themselves until they are sick to death, but won't give in. Is it fair for the woman to wait for him to say those three words. I mean we see this happen everyday, I work with a couple of people like that. I would like to hear the man answer the man question, and another woman answer the woman answer please. Yeah, that's right I'm taking Ashley's spot today. (Submitted by RLW)

2 - Why in the Hell do women expect us to READ YOUR MINDS instead of saying EXACTLY....EXACTLY what you want us to know ? C'Mon Now, HOLLA BACK ! (Submitted by big jerz)

3 - Do you ever really lose love for the one before? (Submitted by lovinthisjourney)

8 comments:

Big Jerz said...

Question 1- In my opinion men are reluctant to give in to their truest feelings concerning women (and most other emotionally vulnerable things)because we by nature are conquerors. To submit to anyone or anything means admitting your own weaknesses and vulnerabilities. A man can accept the responsibility of losing a battle by force far better than he could accept conceding defeat in said battle. In other words, if you beat me, cool but don't EVER expect me to give you the win ! Unfortunately we're such goof balls that we often see everything like a battle, even matters of the heart ! so, in that mind set I'll say we don't wanna admit our feelings because then it would feel like the equivalent of revealing our battle strategies to the enemy ! LOL !!! Ha ! The Enemy ! LOL !!!! I kill me ! LOL !!! Just my thoughts Niggas ! YOLLA Back

Ashley M. said...

Question 1 - I honestly believe that men lose control in a different way when they realize that they love someone. What I mean by that is . . . they let their pride and fear battle each other causing them to lose sight of the bigger and better picture the wonderful woman they've found. Women are prideful too but men show theirs in a different way. This battle causes them to miss out and often times causes the other party (the woman in this case) to grow desperately impatient with the seeming lack of reciprocation. The funny thing is men seem to think that they're hiding something and we can read that thing like a book. Men are definitely intuitive but when it comes to emotion women . . . we've got that thing down and know what you all feel. No matter how hard you try to disguise it. All in all, it never hurts to hear you say, "I love you, babe." Just my thoughts holla atcha girl!

Ashley M. said...

Question 2 - I'll comment on the second question...I don't think women expect men to
read their mind but if your dealing with the same nigga you been dealin
with then he should be able to read it if he has to. How can you not
know your woman after all that time. I can understand if you guys JUST
meet or whatever but if we have a history then you should be able to
tell me whats on my mind and vise versa.
(Submitted by J.Aiken)

Lovinthisjourney said...

Question 2-Not professing that I know the "real" answer- but here's my stab at it. The make up of a man is direct, precise, and logical. The make up of a woman may conatin the same-but certainly not the same doses. Infused with the possible tracese of what I mentioned before is emotion- and a whole lot of it. So we respond with just that- emotion- and a whole lot of it! And being that it's not innate for men to repsond that way- they get stumped! We want them to know and they want us to tell them. It's crazy but completely normal. It takes prcatice on both sides to understand the approach, and respond appropriately. Even though I really don't know the "true" answer and I'm sure it's frustrating-- it really does take deliberate practice. Hope that helped a little!

Ashley M. said...

Now with question 3 - I don't necessarily believe that you lose love for the one before but if you find yourself in a relationship that's meaningful after a "meaningful thing" has ended and you are, in deed, in love again I believe that your love for the one before changes. I think this young woman said it best in an open forum similar to this one on Lauren Hills THE MISEDUCATION OF LAUREN HILL. She says (and I quote), "You is not gon' stop lovin' that person." Now this is in instances where things were ended on terms that you can move from (i.e. this was not an abusive relationship on any level - emotional, physical, mental). You love them and your love matures in a different way. You can see them on the street and be cordial. You can mention their name and not gag. You can look at a picture and smile because of the lesson that was learned in that situation and not want to cut it up into tiny bits. The love isn't gone it's just different. That's what I think but that's just me . . .

Ashley M. said...

Submitted via email -

#2. Women are funny creatures, I can only speak for myself and say that I can tell exactly what my man wants and needs with out him even saying it (across the board) read between the lines. I think we just expect you to know your woman with out us crying, or getting upset when you don't respond. I think it's all about knowing your woman's language, we are such emotional creatures, even thoughs that try not to be are. We just want you to listen to us without us speaking............like we do you.......which makes you eat out of our hands and say "damn I needed that" women study men, and women want to be studied. A woman can tell a man what he's thinking, what he wants, and needs, all while cleaning the house, or cooking, or taking care of the kids, etc. Without him speaking a word...............a woman some times wants the same thing. You feel me.
RockWill

lovinthisjourney said...

Yeah I feel you RockWill! I mean women study men like it's a final exam!.... and you are so right about wanting to be studied back. Well said!

Ashley M. said...

Emailed answer -

#3 I can say that I will never forget any of my loves, and I know that they will never forget me......it's one of those things like red flags, or experiences, or molehill, or detours..........yeah detours. You know how when you are on a road trip one of the worst things that could happen is for a detour to mess up your flow, you gotta go completely out of the way, you get lost, frustrated, stop at 50leven rest stations and then, now I know where I am...........that's what I call my past loves, (I'll never say I didn't love them) now my husband and I sit back laugh, and share our driving experiences happy because one of those detours led us to our destiny. Rockwill