Thursday, May 15, 2008
ExFactor
This past week’s series entitled GET LIFTED has made for enlightening and honest conversation and discussion. So much so, I was kind of stumped on what to write about today. Then I got to thinking, as usual. I began to listen to Lauren Hill’s 1998 solo project, The Miseducation of Lauren Hill. On the album she has a song entitled ExFactor. I listened and thought some more. I asked myself this question: What happens when we leave? Do we really leave? I know you’re thinking, what is she talking about? And if you’ve never had the pleasure of hearing the lyrics to this song then I can understand you being a little lost. I’ll elaborate. A little while ago I had a funny conversation with an ex-coworker/friend about a situation. We joked about how we always go back to what we know or better still, what we’re used to. We laughed and talked about some of the guys that we used to date and the ones we really loved. Towards the end of the conversation she said, “An ex is never really an ex.” Now if this is true, you’ve called yourself “moving on” and you’re ready to venture out and groove with someone new, how do you let the past go? The funny thing is, when you talk to some people that still fool around with their exes they usually don’t have anything really positive to say about them. “I mean that’s really all I know,” “We have history,” “That was my high school sweetheart.” What happens when they’re no longer so sweet? Yet you maintain a connection. What’s the hold up and why can’t we let go of what we know isn’t good for us? Especially when that good thing is staring you right in the face.
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Well in my opinion it depends on the significance of that relationship (to me) is this one of many boyfriends, or is this the first real person that you experienced firsts with. First real fight, first real make up, first hysterical laugh, first real cry, first real heart felt kiss (the one that makes you see fireworks) the first time every I saw your face....................Gina!!!! LOL sorry, the first one I lost my virginity to. It's always hard to break away from that, I experienced that....................and my first was not for me. But everybodies firsts are different..........you know? I've dated quite a few good guys, even an ex-con (but he had some good qualities despite how people that were closest to me dissed me) but I'm the type of person that when I'm done I'm done.................I think I love myself to much to hold on to something that isn't going to take me some place, and vise versa, if I see no growth I gotta move on. I've tried to make things work or move and still hold an ex close so that if anything ever happened we'd get back together, all of that (for me) was a waste of time. I think it also has a lot to do with maturity. That's all!
I've never had much of a problem leaving the past. Usually because what I was moving on to was better or more for me. Having said that, I think the reason many people struggle with ending it with the EX is different for each gender. Men are conquerors and oft times take on the mindset that ONCE MINE, ALWAYS MINE ! We're stupid, I KNOW ! Now women have a problem leaving for a different reason all together. I hate to generalize so just forgive me. But women tend to settle for the security of bondage than the unpredictability of Freedom ! Now don't throw stones at me just yet ! Sometimes, the institutionalization of an individual forces them into a veritable tunnel view of how to go about life. When life outside of that tunnel comes into view it can be scary ! Much like the Hebrew slaves, fresh out of Egypt, murmuring and complaining like "Now we're free but who's gonna feed us ?", certain women tend to find themselves like "I'm free from the 2nd rate treatment but who's gonna hold me in bed tonight?". I've heard a woman admit that the dude she was with for years wasn't shit and often she felt like every element of their relationship was a waste of time and after breaking up, cussing him out and taking her clothes from his little ghetto apartment...she slept alone that night and the cold loneliness of that night drove her back to that 2nd rate lifestyle. All I could hope for her is that she not die in the place that she KNEW was beneath her real privilege. Anyway, I really feel that once a thing is over...let that shit ride ! Cause if you left once, you should stick to the Guns of your natural instincts and keep it Pushing ! Anyway...It's just my thoughts Kind People, Don't kill a nigga ! HOLLA
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